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Been away a while | wysteria1's Blog


I first came to EP during a crazy time in my life. I wanted an anonymous place to share my views and read the views of others. I realised, soon, that I needed to go back and work on myself. I went from one bad marriage to an atheist to divorce to marriage to someone I felt (and sometimes still wonder) I didn't deserve. EP was a way to find my own sense of self worth, as sad and pathetic as that sounds. Yes, my opinions are firm and my beliefs are true (alhamdolilah) but I was lost in so many other ways.. so many years of psychological and emotional abuse.. of wondering why I was being tortured (as a christian ) and then believing it, thinking I didn't deserve better.
Islam literally saved my life. It was through Islam that I realsied that I deserved better treatment. As a counsellor and professional analyst I should've KNOWN that, surely? So the self deprecation was the worst. I stopped counselling, stopped helping, stopped reading and talking and just SAT with my feelings, my Islam, and.. in time.. my peace.

I know there are economic and politico-social reasons for people wanting to discredit Islam and it saddens me that so many people believe only what they hear by the media who puppets the opinions of themasses in favour of the agendas that perpetuate the discreditting of Islam. But I cannot change that. I can only be me. Take me as I am or walk away and take your peace with you. I am muslim, and I am NOT a terrorist. In fact,those two are antagonist things - terrorism and islam. Not my job to convince you if you don't believe me, although if you have a question go ahead and ask.

I'm finally at a place where I'm content with ME and accept that I deserve love, kindness and happiness, as does everyone else. My life's not perfect and I'm now dealing with people who will go ALL out to strip me of the rights I've earned at such great personal cost.. but I'm fighting back spiritually, within myself, by keeping strong in who and what I am.
Indeed, floating to and from belief is like bouncing on the waves. Right now, alhamdolilah I am FIRMLY anchored. I'm a bit broken, a lot torn, and much healing needs to take place, but I'm trusting insh'Allah (God wiliing) that 2013 will be a better year.

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Previous Posts
Learning daily, posted January 9th, 2013
Been away a while, posted January 5th, 2013
Memories part 3, posted January 15th, 2010, 1 comment
Memories part 2, posted January 15th, 2010, 1 comment
Memories, posted January 15th, 2010, 4 comments
Through the eyes of a child, posted December 15th, 2009
How do I love thee?, posted December 13th, 2009, 2 comments
When's it time to leave - update, posted December 13th, 2009
Sunday rest, posted December 13th, 2009
Thursday smiles, posted December 10th, 2009
I have no idea what happened., posted November 28th, 2009
Stay out, posted November 26th, 2009
Wysteria's back, posted November 26th, 2009
Personal Update, posted October 20th, 2009, 1 comment
Violated, posted October 8th, 2009
life is tyring at times, posted September 9th, 2009
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making a memory, posted August 31st, 2009
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Jew Jitzu, posted August 8th, 2009, 1 comment
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